I am not afraid like I used to

Here it is folks.
It's enough, that we both know.
Now, suddenly deaf silence.
Words stopped bringing bloodcurdling in effect curse...
Just like always, the first days of silence
were the time of madness and walking on walls.

I saw crowds of women, and got an impression
I will never EVER see him again.
What a nonsense. I know.


Today, finally, peace came.
In the crowd of maliciously empty deceivers,
I fished the crucial (to me) information.

I didn’t know, that one day I will love like this
I wasn’t aware that I could, so deeply, and intensely
like this.
I don’t know words that will not sound trivially
next to what is inside my heart.
For You.

If I had to point out my biggest sacrifice
It would definitely be
allowing myself
To stop needing You.

I am able to live without You.
I am able to. But God damn it,
I really don't want to.

And then You came
Well, maybe not You,
Your voice and smell
Only Smell of yours;
Get caught in it, once more
Hide my face in that sweatshirt of yours
Lay on the couch, with you
Drink warm tea,
And make love
Make frenzy love
I would like to.

My heart started speaking to me again.
I am not afraid of loving you
like I used to.

Today, I drink ungodly amounts of coffee
In a small cup.
A cup of coffee
with a small note of particle decay