21 things...

Do you derive joy from someone else’s success?
Do you choose not to play dirty when engaged in a competition?

What about your intellectual capacity
But know that it is not adequate for wisdom?
Do you see everything as illusion?
But enjoy it, even thought you are not a part of it?

Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware but without belief in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover.
Not necessary needs but qualities that I prefer.

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing
That loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are you funny? Self depreciating? Like an adventure?
And have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover.
Not necessary needs but qualities that I prefer.
I figured I can describe them since I have a choice in this matter

I am in no hurry, I could wait forever
I am in no rush because I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I will live like there is no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? More than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? Are you athletic?
Are you striving to be better?
Are you addicted to the adrenaline of learning new things?
Perhaps you alone can be addicting?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover.
Not necessary needs but qualities that I prefer.

Curious and communicative.

Short, sweet. Very business like.

I like:
to wake up in the morning, look at my phone, and
see an unread text message. I like it even more if it's from You.

I Don't Like:
Falling asleep alone. Annoying and quite frankly-silly.

Tears dry on their own.

Still the number of women with nervous breakdown is rising. Of victims also.
Independently of what I think and feel, with surprise I state that my resistance and immunity to drama has shrunk lately to the size of a thimble.

In the past I was a pot without a bottom, able to accept all the problems, quandaries and listening for hours to friends get things off their chest, and also utter strangers. I was a sponge that patiently absorbed all that pain, inter-human grunge and personal despairs. I alone was a walking drama, frolicking hysterically and existential fucking traumas into atoms, injuries and fears.

It does not pass. You do not forget. You just need to learn with it. Calmly.
There are no other means. No one will save us. No one will fix us.

I really cannot listen to consecutive testimonies of break downs. I cannot. With first words I shrink inside and my head explodes.I am in no condition to help anyone, and listening hurts. Though helplessness hurts more.

And anger in me grows, that humans spin distractedly around their own axis, instead of beginning to live. And appreciated what they have. Luxury of breathing.

Ugh. I’ve changed.

In the past boldly I thought I can understand people. Today- not so much.
Today I’m just tired. I operate with simples phrases- “yes” and “no”.

Yes, yes you can count on me.

No, I will not fall down with you.