I don't lack men in my life. Boys, men, males, or whatever you chose to call them. I never hid the fact that I could communicate with opposite sex so much better. Perhaps it was caused by their uncomplicated behaviour, or understanding mechanisms that rule the male world, I really don’t know.
The matter of fact is, I never had an issue with my own sexual identity, and without a doubt I chose their company. I accompanied them first when we played Legos, and pretending we had our own Gang, that will survive calamity walking only on trees. Later I participated in talks conversations about life and death, discussions about politics and the world that surrounds us. I partied with them, drank vodka, and smoke what we could.
I knew all of them inside out, I knew why they behaved a certain way, they never hid anything from me and with time they learned not only to trust me but begun treating me like one of them. In all areas I wanted to be just like them. Beginning with height, going through playing soccer, and using power tools.
As time went increasingly I realized the superiority of men over women, especially when it comes to loyalty and general understanding. Each woman that disappointed me, brought me that much closer to my male friends, and lead me to care for them and my relations with them that much more.
It may appear that I know more of them than an average woman and it's easier to understand them. Yes, I do understand a lot, my sensitivity is on similar level, but it has nothing to do with easiness.
Seldom I meet men who respect my femininity, but with all fairness they treat me as their 'buddy', in addition, asexual one for that matter :) Those that know little of me try to control themselves. Which lead me to today’s blog… Couple weeks ago a coworker of mine was telling a joke, abashed, stopped because he would have to use an inappropriate word that may be offensive to me.
Most likely it wouldn't be, however the act alone was baffling. Maybe because he is so young and idealistically disposed, but it left an impact on me, and made me think of my position in this male world, because lets be honest, quite frankly, they have the upper hand in the environment I function in.
What shocked me is my awareness in regards to men and their gambits, that I hear about all the time. I am totally on their side of barricade in this game, where the price is extension of our species and passing our genes on to our offspring, the strong and beautiful survive ( I wanted to call it " Battle of Holes, Cracks, and other Openings", but I restrained my infected with testosterone thinking. Well, I tried :) ), so on daily basis I see their tricks and methods to get the best specimen out there. They are romantic, manly, tender, sensitive, responsive, complementing, they stroke, touch, embrace...
And I see the business in their behaviour, when it's directed towards my person. I don’t see romance. I turn my rational thinking, ‘This is quite normal’, really, we are not teenagers any more.
The worst part is that even I sometimes let them stroke me, touch and embrace me, and even romance me from time to time. And I forget. And maybe that is for the better? :) But you know what? I adore men, just the way they are. With their stupid, male gambit, behvaiour of four year olds, with their passions, and zeal, but most of all, because, they also seem to think, that all of this means something more.
